Diaper changing sucks

It does suck. But not for the normal reasons that you're thinking; you're probably thinking, "Oh, just some guy, bitching about having to clean up his own kid's shit. If you don't like it, don't have kids."

Fair enough. I'm just complaining about the myriad modern 'conveniences' that end up taking a huge extra portion of time.

Take the diaper genie. The problem with this miracle device is that way in which diapers are actually disposed. This thing has a trap door through which you push the used diaper, and then the diaper is hygienically housed in an elongated blue trash bag (blue, presumably, so that hazmat teams know to avoid it). But here's the thing-- that trap door is incredibly strong. So you have to push a soaking wet diaper through this very strong trapdoor. And if the kid has diarrhea? Then guess what you're getting all over your hands! In the fight between trapdoor and diaper, the diaper usually loses.

"But that just means you haven't sealed the diaper properly!" I hear you cry. Maybe your baby is less prolific than mine, but he seems to be like the rest of us-- some days, he's like a little cow, turning everything that went in into very stinky fertilizer. And on those days, those size 4 diapers just aren't enough.

The wipes used to clean everything up? What the hell? Why, when I try to pull out one, do I get five? I only have one hand free, not two-- the other one is trying to keep the baby from getting up and jumping off the changing table to go off onto another adventure. Sometimes, these wipes are even glued together, so I'm forced to use two instead of one. These are Whole Foods wipes. For all the save-the-planet rhetoric, they could at least spend some time making sure that I get one wipe when I want one wipe.

To add injury to insult, the diaper genie blue hazmat bags have a little raised plastic ring around the inside. I see no point for this raised ring; however, if you scrape your hand along said ring, you'll cut yourself. So it's a good morning when your hand gets covered in piss, shit, and blood as you try to keep up with a toddler.

Time to drop off at daycare, with bandages...